Blog Post by Michael Finley (Gospel Community Director for Redeemer Church)

Part of being a disciple of Jesus is being the family of God, to be his people that live intentional and relational lives with Him and each other. At Redeemer we call this our Gospel Communities. And just like every other aspect of discipleship, our growth in Gospel Community is a process. It would be nice to plug everything we need to know into the back of our heads like a scene from the Matrix but the truth is discipleship is often very slow.

In Ephesians 4, Paul tells us that we are to grow up in everyday into Christlikeness. Growing is an ongoing process. Just like our bodies we all have times of growth in different areas of life at different times. Whether it is your physical body growing taller, your intellect growing smarter, your love capacity growing larger, or your skills growing more refined, we are to be growing in everyday of lives into Christ. However we often neglect to see Gospel Communities in this same way.

In my time in group ministry I have witnessed a "Group Model" in which all the groups in the church attempt to reflect the same model. While models have their role, I have found some problems. Here are three:

1. Reaching The Goal Of A Model Instead Of Reaching For Jesus

Often we are so focused on "how" our group should look that we forget "Who" we are suppose to look like. At Redeemer we have two goals for our Gospel Communities, for those who know Him to love and look more like Jesus and for those who don't know Jesus to meet Him.

2. Models Tend To Encourage or Discourage

Some groups fit the model already in personality, maturity, and/or ministry development. While others may find it hard to reach the model because they do not have the time, the training, or the overall group maturity to obtain it. The first group finds the model very encouraging because of their success and the second gets very discouraged because of their perceived failure to look like the first group.

3. Group Models Tend To Move The Bar

The question is, where do you set the bar for where a groups should be? No group has arrived; in every group on the planet there is room for growth. If you set the bar to low, the group isn't challenged enough and often halts the discipleship process. If you put the bar in the middle, for some it is too high and some it is too low. It is always changing.

Progress Is A Win

Rather than placing a model in front of every group and say, "this is what your group should look like," I have found it more helpful to say, "praise God your group looks like it does, here are some ways you and your group can continue to grow in Christlikeness." 

When a new Christian puts their faith in Jesus we celebrate. We are not discouraged that they do not know how to pray or they do not understand the Bible. At every step of a Christian's walk we celebrate progress. We need to start looking at our Gospel Communities in this way as well. There is always room for growth but we should always celebrate progress. I am pretty sure I have not see an unhealthy group that is growing in Christlikeness. When a group becomes static its health declines, when it remains dynamic Jesus shines.

Think of your group as a family growing together in Christ. Do not get discouraged, celebrate the evidence of God's grace where you are, and then put your hand to the plow and move forward!

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During the busy summer season, we’re taking some time to look at some ways we can strive to use our summers intentionally, for the glory of God and the good of others.

Here’s what we’ve covered thus far:

• Don’t Waste Your Summer
• Plan Your Seasons
• 4 Ways To Vacation Well
• Snapshot
• Rest Rightly, Rest Well
• Reliving And Living

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Does your summer ever feel like it flies by and you didn't get a chance to accomplish any of the projects that are on your list of things to do? Or, do you ever feel like your summer flies by but you didn't get a chance to rest and rejuvenate before the upcoming year starts up again because you had to much on your schedule?

Sadly, these two instances are exactly how our culture handles summer. 

My hope from this blog post is that you would get a clear picture to how you can plan the different seasons of your life, specifically summer. But first, we’re going to look at some common objections to planning in general. There may be more, but these are two of the most common.

Objection #1: I Don't Want To Be Tied Down To Any Plans

When you hear someone say to you, "I don't like to be tied down to plans." What they are saying is they don't like to think about their next move. Unfortunately in this day and age, you can not throw care to the wind and wing everything. Everything in this world requires a plan. For example, children's school year is planned, college students are working for a degree that is planned out, parents who stay at home with their kids need plans to keep sane and lastly people who work in the business world know that if you don't have a plan you don't go anywhere.

Everyone plans, and I mean everyone. No one ever can just wing life. But plans you make show off your priorities. 

Objection #2: I Am So Busy

Some people really love having a busy schedule, and when they're not busy, they don't know what to do with themselves. 

We all want to be fruitful in our lives. Fruitful literally means producing good or helpful results. But before we can be fruitful in anything, we first need to be faithful. Faithful literally means loyal, constant, and steadfast. 

Do you know what spheres God has given you to be faithful in?

If you don't know what spheres God has called you to, then it will be hard for you to determine what areas you are suppose to be faithful in. So make sure to write them down. Tell them to someone, so that they can keep you accountable. 

Gospel Oriented Faithfulness Then Fruitfulness

Exert taken from a book "The Gospel At Work" by Sebastian Traeger & Greg Gilbert pg. 91 -92

"Every sphere that you have in your life, you can find in the Bible both a minimum standard for faithfulness and operating principles for pursing fruitfulness. By a minimum standard for faithfulness, we mean the basic requirements Scripture gives to our different spheres of our lives. If you are not accomplishing the basic requirements of your different spheres, then you are not being faithful in this area. Most of the time, this means you need to double-down on your attention there before looking anywhere else.

By principles for pursuing further fruitfulness, we mean those ways in which you can grow beyond this minimum expectation of faithfulness. Once you think you're meeting the Bible's standard of faithfulness in all your assignments, you are free to dream and consider how you can best invest your extra time and energy.

On either side of faithfulness and fruitfulness we will find the two pitfalls that tend to define the sinful patterns associated with our work (or spheres) - idolatry and idleness. Fail to meet the minimum requirements of faithfulness, and you fall into idleness. Push beyond fruitfulness, and you fall into idolatry. 

So here's the guiding principle: pursue faithfulness, then fruitfulness, but not idolatry." 

So, here are some things to think about when planning out your season:

1. Pray and ask God to help you list your spheres He has called you to.

2. List Your Top 5 Spheres (Example: God, Family, Church, Work...etc.)

3. Make a list from the different spheres in your life that God is calling you to be faithful in and write down what the baseline expectations are for you to meet these different spheres. 

4. Determine if you're being faithful in the priorities within the spheres

5. Consider where you might be able to invest for greater fruitfulness

6. Avoid the trap of idolatry, where you are measured by your work instead of serving the Lord.

Accomplish And Rest

Yes this blog post is geared towards the summer time but you can take these principles into any season of your life and be able to plan well so that you can stay faithful to the calling God has for you. 

As Christians, we are not called to be idle, but we are also called not to make things we do our idols. Applying these principles will help you to plan well and also rest well. And as always  remember that the priorities that you accomplish will never make you right with God, it is through Jesus perfect righteousness and obedience that anyone will be right with God. The priorities that you try and accomplish are simply principles that God has called you to be obedient to do but rest well in the finish work of Jesus on your behalf.

photo credit: Jasmic via photopin cc

Gospel communities are built on the truth of the gospel that saves and restores people to God and brings them into His family as a group of people commissioned by King Jesus to go into the entire world and make disciples of all nations—starting right in our own city and neighborhoods as GCs on mission for Jesus. Gospel Communities are places where people grow as disciples of Jesus while making disciples of Jesus. 

We are doing a mini blog series on Gospel Communities (Theological Foundation, GC for an Individual, GC for a Family, GC for a church) 

Mini Blog Series:

• Theological Foundation: The Church Church Not On Sunday
• GC for an Individual: 6 Ways Gospel Communities Are Helpful For Individuals 
• GC for a Family (2 Blog Posts): In Sickness And In Health, Desperation And The Love Of Discipleship Groups; How Is A Gospel Community A Safe Place For My Family?
• GC for a Church: Gospel Communities Are For The Church

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What Does Church Actually Mean?

How many times have you heard yourself say to someone, "I'm going to church"? In our culture we equate the term "church" to somewhere we go for an event. But the reality is the term church actually means a community of God's redeemed people - all who have truly trusted Christ alone for their salvation. From this definition we can say that we don't "go to church" but we "are the church." 

Jeff Vanderstelt once tweeted, "To my kids: "Saying 'I go to Church' is like saying 'I go to the Vanderstelts.'" You see the significance of that statement, we are called by Jesus into His family so that makes us the church and we simply do not just go to church. The church is a redeemed people whom Christ has saved, it is not a place where you go once or twice a week. If you are in Christ you are adopted into a family which is called the church.

Being The Church, Not Going To Church

So what does it mean when someone says they go to church on Sunday? At Redeemer we would call Sundays "Family Gatherings.' Family gatherings are intentional weekly gatherings where the church body gathers together to corporately worship God, hear the Word of God preached and practice the sacraments. We do all these things for our good and for God's glory.  

Christ is the head of the church, which is his body (Ephesians 1:22-23). He has authority over his people and determines their direction and destiny. Each member of Christ's body serves an important and distinct role, and non have life, power, or ability of any kind apart from Christ (1 Corinthians 12). - ESV Study Bible

From the above definition our lives have distinct roles and important implications. Our lives together are to reflect Jesus Christ and His goodness. So when we say we "go to church" this comes off like Jesus is only apart of our lives only sometimes throughout the week. When we say "we are the church" this implies that everything in our lives is used for Jesus' glory.

How Gospel Communities Help Us Be The Church?

Our culture today has a "me" attitude. We all believe the lie that we are our own person. And yet for those in Christ, who are called to be a part of Christ's church, are called into a family and are called to serve "one another." Jesus calls the church to care for each other, especially to those in the household of God (Gal. 6:10). And Gospel Communities are a place where followers of Jesus have a place where they get to continually learn what it means to follow Jesus with everything they have and are as Jesus disciple.

Gospel Communities are a structure created to help our culture today fight against the "me" attitude and learn what it means to actually be in a community with believers. The church is a redeemed people who are bought with a price, Jesus' blood and with that price each person who is in Christ is just one of many precious ones whom Christ has claimed for himself. God uses his Church to care and protect his people from the "the cosmic powers over this present darkness, against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly places." Eph. 6:12.

What's Next?

It should not be taken lightly, those who are not apart of a family of believers are in great danger of "being tossed to and fro by the waves and carried about by every wind of doctrine, by human cunning, by craftiness in deceitful schemes (Eph 4:14)". Quit believing the lie that you can do everything on your own. You need to realize that this life is not meant to be navigated by yourself. For the bible shows us clearly that as Christians we are called to be dependent people. Dependent on Jesus and dependent on one another. 

If you don't take anything else away from this blog, I hope you hear this, it is for your good to be apart of a Gospel Community. This is where you have a place to heal if you need, a place where you can grow, learn to live missionally in your city and a place where you can do all those things for others. May our lives continue to reflect the grace and glory that is in Christ Jesus alone.

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The Assumption We Can't Afford: I've been in church for years, but no one has taught me to study my Bible until now.

Is God Allowed To Do Stuff We Can't?: These reflections are far from exhaustive or adequate to the subject matter. Much more could be and has been said on the subjects of forgiveness, substitution, justice, and the cross. In this piece I simply wanted to make one small point: sometimes it’s okay for God to tell us not to do something that he himself does. Executing judgment is one of those things.

David Platt on Why You Shouldn't believe "Heaven Is For Real": God’s beef with necromancy is that it belittles the sufficiency of his communication. Why would you inquire of the dead to find out what you want to know instead of inquiring of me? And if they say: Well, I have inquired of you and you didn’t tell me what I want to know. He would say: Well, that is your problem. I have told you what you need to know. You don’t need to know about such and such if I haven’t told you. And, in fact, if you go trying to inquire about such and such that I haven’t told you, you are dishonoring me. So that is the nature of the argument. And, therefore, I think the prohibition of séances and necromancy applies to this kind of thing and people ought to stop writing those books.

Raising Arrow Children: Don’t reduce your children to being “adorable,” writes Doug Wilson, and miss out on the promise of formidable children, arrows in the hand of a warrior.

How Can A Mature Christian Be Fed In A Missional Community?: The scriptures end with knowing God relationally and being like Him. Maturity in Christianity is being “conformed to the image of Christ” not merely knowing a lot about Him. This involves the mind, heart, hands, and actions of Christ. Missional Communities invite mature Christians to learn to enjoy the food that Christ did, to do the will of their Father.

4 Reasons To Doubt the Resurrection: To the modern mind, the resurrection is utterly implausible.

You Can't Do Everything: here are 4 simple ways you can start empowering and enabling others to do the great work of ministry

The Resurrection Of Jesus: A Jewish Perspective: Historically, Jesus’ resurrection (along with his claims to be the Son of God and the Son of Man) has always been the point of contention that separates Christians and Jews. However, the Orthodox Jewish theologian Pinchas Lapide (1922–1997), in his book The Resurrection of Jesus: A Jewish Perspective, turns that expectation on its head. Though he does not believe Jesus is the Messiah, Lapide does believe that the resurrection of Jesus was a historical event. Recognizing that Jesus and his disciples were faithful Jews, he seeks to understand it from a Jewish perspective.

Missional Moms Who Never Make Sacrifices: So when we consider the calling, the work, and the sacrifices of motherhood in this light, with a thrill in our heart we can say that we have never made a sacrifice.

Help! My Kids Are Looking At Porn!: For today, here are some suggestions for how to respond when you learn that your children have been looking at or looking for pornography.

Please Don't Make My Funeral About Me: You can cry at my funeral if you want to. But don't think for a minute that my death is tragic. No matter how it happens, no matter when; it simply can't be a tragedy. Leaving this world with all of its sin-sickness to enter into the beauty and perfection and peace of the presence of Christ is something to anticipate, not avoid. Death, for me, will not be the second-best option to a longer life here. To be with Christ will not be a minor improvement on this life, but "far better" (Phil. 1:23). You can cry, but I hope your tears are, at least in part, tears of joy that I have entered into the joy of my Master.

photo credit: Sprengben [why not get a friend] via photopin cc

Gospel communities are built on the truth of the gospel that saves and restores people to God and brings them into His family as a group of people commissioned by King Jesus to go into the entire world and make disciples of all nations—starting right in our own city and neighborhoods as GCs on mission for Jesus. Gospel Communities is a place where people grow as disciples of Jesus, while growing to make disciples of Jesus. 

We are doing a mini blog series on Gospel Communities (Theological Foundation, GC for an Individual, GC for a Family, GC for a church) 

Mini Blog Series:

• Theological Foundation: The Church Church Not On Sunday
• GC for an Individual: 6 Ways Gospel Communities Are Helpful For Individuals 
• GC for a Family (2 Blog Posts): In Sickness And In Health, Desperation And The Love Of Discipleship Groups; How Is A Gospel Community A Safe Place For My Family?
• GC for a Church: 

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How Is A Gospel Community A Safe Place For My Family?

What is the first thought that comes to you when you hear the word family? Your brain probably thought of  mom or dad. Or if you were unfortunate not to have a mom or dad you probably thought of siblings or close friends. In any case, you probably think of someone close to you that you share life with, that will be there for you no matter what and visa versa. When you're that close to someone you have this great bond between each other that you know not many things can separate your relationship.

Gospel Communities Are For Families

Personally, I believe our world thinks of the term family in a very shallow way. We all struggle in someway with the idea, "what can the family bring me?" The "Me" attitude comes ultimately from sin. We think that our family is supposed to bring "Me" joy. In most cases, a healthy family does give joy to its members. The biblical picture of a family shows parents are to care, protect and teach their children. Children know that their parents will be there for them as they grow up into manhood or womanhood. God created this social structure for two reasons. First, He desires to show off the relationship between Jesus Christ and His church. Second, to bring stability to people. When we see families broken apart by sin we see everyone affected because this is not how families are naturally designed to work.

The reason I have given so much time explaining the term family is because of the hope we have for Gospel Communities within our church. Our hope is that these groups of people continue to pursue the "other" oriented plan and care for one another while learning to care for those who do not yet know Jesus. You see, Gospel Communities are one of the primary ways within the church that we see biblical family played out in our lives. These groups of people are called to care for one another, serve one another and protect one another. Gospel Communities are called to be a family of people living life together, pursuing to build one another up in the gospel while pursing others who do not know Jesus.

First Hand Account

Our hope for these different blog posts we have written is to give everyone an idea to why Gospel Communities are so important. We want people to understand the importance to joining one and committing to the family. Here is a first hand account of one family's story of how Gospel Communities were and are helpful for their family.

When we arrived at Redeemer, we were doing our best to heal from losing our church family in North Carolina. The leadership at our former church pushed us out of the church and misrepresented us in the process. We felt betrayed by the very people with whom we shared our lives. We arrived in Washington with a lot of baggage (and we aren’t referring to what was in our trailer). Our trust in the Church had been shaken and we had a firm mistrust of leadership.

Hebrews 3:12-14 says, "Take care, brothers, lest there be in any of you an evil, unbelieving heart, leading you to fall away from the living God. But exhort one another every day, as long as it is called 'today,' that none of you may be hardened by the deceitfulness of sin. For we have come to share in Christ, if indeed we hold our original confidence firm to the end."

God used Gospel Communities at Redeemer in a major way to protect us from unbelieving and hardened hearts. At times, we were being exhorted by someone from Redeemer every day. We were invited to three GC’s our first week in Washington. When we joined one, we were welcomed with open arms of love and encouragement. Our GC became our family in Washington. This was purely God’s grace toward us. This family gently cared for our fragile hearts and souls. When we felt like we had no ability or even desire to minister to God’s people, they selflessly and sacrificially served us. Redeemer’s leadership and our GC provided us with the Gospel-saturated safety and time we desperately needed for healing.

To a large degree, our GC at Redeemer has restored our trust in God’s gracious gift in His people. Their love and care for us has restored our desire to love and serve the Church. 

End Result

At the end of the day the end result for anything is that we want people to grow more in love with Jesus and look more like Him all the time. We want people to grow in greater knowledge of their identity in Jesus and allow their identity to impact everything in their lives. The place where we believe this happens best is within a Gospel Community. You see, Gospel Communities are not a Bible study or a small group. Gospel Communities are groups of people that share life together, learn together and pursue others to help them understand who Jesus is and why he is so sweet. When you're that close to people within your Gospel Community you have this great bond between each other that you know nothing can separate your relationship with them because of Jesus Christ's perfect sacrifice and His forever shaping of our hearts.

photo credit: Pink Sherbet Photography via photopin cc

Gospel communities are built on the truth of the gospel that saves and restores people to God and brings them into His family as a group of people commissioned by King Jesus to go into the entire world and make disciples of all nations—starting right in our own city and neighborhoods as GCs on mission for Jesus. Gospel Communities is a place where people grow as disciples of Jesus, while growing to make disciples of Jesus. 

We are doing a mini blog series on Gospel Communities (Theological Foundation, GC for an Individual, GC for a Family, GC for a church) 

Mini Blog Series:

• Theological Foundation: The Church Church Not On Sunday
• GC for an Individual: 6 Ways Gospel Communities Are Helpful For Individuals 
• GC for a Family (2 Blog Posts): In Sickness And In Health, Desperation And The Love Of Discipleship Groups; How Is A Gospel Community A Safe Place For My Family?
• GC for a Church: 

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The Following Blog Post is from Ariel Bovat 

How Are Gospel Communities For A Family?

I hate that my first reaction, my first response, my default mode is not what it's supposed to be as a redeemed woman in Christ.

Let me explain.

The toll of living isolated lives for years with no like minded Christian fellowship, hubby's transfer being approved, selling a house, moving across 6 states over 7 days, living in temporary housing for 2 months, a drastic change in weather, looking for a house, buying a house, the overwhelming relief of finding an awesome church, all of this while trying to keep a somewhat structured  home school schedule finally took a toll on my body and my mind. 

I WAS TIRED!! EMOTIONALLY. MENTALLY. PHYSICALLY. PSYCHOLOGICALLY.

ALL OF ME WAS TIRED. 

My body showed it by getting sick with a re-occurring sickness that 3 rounds of antibiotics over 2 months was not touching. I don't do well while on antibiotics. I don't do well while I am sick. I took it out on the people around me and it was not good. 

Funny thing about getting sick. I expect to be served. I expect...period. 

I don't know if its the lack of sympathy or empathy I received as a child growing up, or the ugly feminist culture that I bought into in my twenties, or just plain good old fashioned sin, what ever the cause of my entitlement was, I felt it deep down inside of my person. I feel entitled when I am not feeling well. I expect it. I demand it even ( i know...it is horrible to even admit)

When I am not served when I am sick,  I get angry. 

When I am not served when I am sick,  I get hurt. 

When I am not served when I am sick,  I get bitter.

I shut down mentally and can't think straight. I operate in pity-party mode all the time. 

I am like a resounding gong. (1 Corinthians 13:1) In my bitterness, in my resentment, in my anger, I cause those around me to sin in reaction to my own sin. 

I know, I cannot control when others sin against me. However, when I am faced with the reality that MY sin causes others to sin, it breaks me into a billion little pieces. 

In steps the reality that God did not create us to live isolated Christian lives. 

It has been years.....eons even, since my family has had the love and support from Bible believing people. Sure, we have had Christian friends in our lives but for some reason, Paul and I felt like something was missing in our relationship with Christian friends. We just didn't know what it was.

Even though we had no idea what that something was, both my husband and I desperately wanted that something, yet had no earthly idea what it would even look like.  

We have been attending our new church since mid November and we absolutely love the preaching. They have, what I have always known as, small groups, but at our new church they call these groups Gospel Communities. They also have a smaller set up that they call discipleship groups. These discipleship groups are a group of people, broken down from the larger Gospel Community group, that meets together regularly to discuss the sermon from the previous Sunday or just discuss and share life stuff. Paul meets with the men's discipleship group every Wednesday morning at 5:30 am at a local coffee house. I meet with the women's discipleship group every Thursday evening at the same coffee shop.

After each session, Paul and I come home really refreshed and encouraged. It's a beautiful thing to experience. There are no other words to describe it.

Even though I have only been attending my discipleship group a short time, there is something about my group that makes me feel safe. I love that when a question or topic is posed, there is great reflective encouraging conversation and no condemnation. 

At my previous group meeting, I shared with the ladies that Paul and I could use some prayer. The toll of moving, sickness and all that comes with it had worn a hole in our communication and it was showing almost daily. It came to a head this past Sunday after an awesome sermon on the 6th commandment, "do not murder" was preached. Ironic huh? 

You can listen to that sermon here. Scroll down to Deuteronomy 5:6, 17 Being Christian: The Meaning of Life

Basically, Paul and I realized we were murdering each other with our thoughts and our words. It was not pretty. I cannot speak for him, but for me, the toll of dealing with my sickness was heavy. It was a heavy burden and I was not carrying it well. I wanted to be comforted in my sickness. I wanted to be served in my sickness. I was tired of being sick. I wanted to be well. I was tired of dealing with physical pain in my body.

I prayed to God for healing so that I could get back to "normal".  It was not happening. 

I had been trying to figure out, through my many conversations with God, why He was not making me better. I was trying to figure out, what I was supposed to be learning about myself through my sickness. I was stumped and my sin and selfishness blinded me.

My depleted emotional capacity to figure it out had me spent. Really Spent! 

In a moment of sheer desperation, I reached out and shared my struggles with a new friend from my discipleship group. (Thank you Janine) I wanted to reach out to her most of that afternoon, but my pride would not have it. I didn't want to seem like I was one of those "needy" chicks. I didn't want to give the impression that Paul and I didn't have it all together all the time. I didn't want to give the impression that we needed help. We were "new" at the church for heavens sake.  

Paul and I read our Bibles daily, pray daily, teach our children the Bible daily, go to church regularly, tithe regularly, and we still didn't have it all together and that was embarrassing.

I felt that the Holy Spirit was telling me to share my struggles, but my pride fought it desperately all afternoon. 

Finally about 8:30 pm, I contacted her and let her know what was going on. Instead of blowing me off with a superficial "we will pray for you", she told her husband and her husband offered to come to our house and pray/talk with us. I was stunned. Humbled.

I immediately started to believe a lie that I had become a burden and I shouldn't want to burden them any longer. To top it off, we were dealing with the biggest, windiest snow storm I had ever seen. I surely did not want this man, my new friend's husband, to have an accident on account of me and my hubby having communication issues. They persisted. I asked Paul. Paul agreed and we conceded to him coming over to pray/talk with us. He is also a part of Paul's discipleship group and I am thankful that my hubby did not have an issue with pride and how he would be perceived. My hubby's humility in allowing another guy to come pray and talk with us helped me with my own personal pride. 

Let me stress how humbling this was for us. We had been accustomed to dealing with personal and private issues on our own for so long, we had forgotten what it felt like to share our struggles with others. We were walking into foreign territory. It was scary. 

He showed up at our house about 10:00 pm. He stayed until almost midnight. He prayed for us. He talked with us. He prayed again. 

Here is what he did and did not do-

1. He didn't condemn us. 
2. He didn't side with either one of us. 
3. He told us what we needed to hear
4. He reminded us of things we already knew but needed desperately to hear again because we had forgotten.
5. He told us some "new things" we had never heard before that rocked the world of both Paul and I. (Later Paul told me what rocked him and I told Paul what rocked me...and it was GOOD)

When he left, the hubby and I knew something changed. We went to bed and I woke up at 5:30 a.m. while Paul was getting ready for work and we talked. We talked and talked and talked some more. He called in to take a day off from work and we talked the entire morning.

Whatever it was that happened, we knew things were different. I can't write about what changed in my hubby, but I can write about what changed in me. 

I came to the stark reality that in my sickness, I was not being Christ like at all. I was allowing the pain in my body to dictate how I treated people, which included my husband. I felt justified in treating him harshly because I was in pain. I felt owed. 

I would cry out to God to take away the pain and sickness because I wanted to go back to being the "selfless sacrificial loving wife and mother" that I thought I was. God showed me that in my pain and sickness the reality was that I was far from that "selfless, sacrificial loving wife and mother".

I used to believe that the marriage vows "in sickness and in health" meant that when I got sick, I needed to be cared for and doted on. When I was not cared for and doted on, I became bitter, angry and resentful. 

Through the conviction of the Holy Spirit I NOW believe that "in sickness and in health" means that I need to love my husband, my children, and anyone else, in a way that is Christ honoring, despite whether or not I am sick or healthy. 

I think back to when Christ was suffering and dying on the cross. He looked down and told John to look after his mother. He continued to serve her and love her in the middle of his excruciating physical pain and suffering. He served in spite of His pain. He served in spite of His suffering. 

I realized that I cannot, in my own strength, serve offers when I am suffering. However, because Christ has served others in His suffering, I am given Christ's strength to do what in my own strength I am unable to do. 

The words to the famous hymn, Amazing Grace, are given fresh meaning to me. Why in the world would my Savior choose to save me is a mystery. I seem to be more of a mess than I thought I was. 

But Ephesians 2:8 tells me: For by grace you have been saved through faith. And this is not your own doing; it is the gift of God

I am thankful beyond words that my salvation is a gift. He saved me in spite of my messy, prideful, angry, bitter, resentful, broken sinful heart. I am thankful that my Savior continues to show me who I am and then gives me the power and the strength to be better....to be more like Him. 

I will continue to pray that I grow in my ability to love and serve others, even when I am in pain or sick. I will continue to repent when I don't do it. 

We are not commanded to love our neighbors as ourselves, only when we feel like it, or when we are healthy. We are commanded to love them always, despite our circumstances. 

I am thankful for my discipleship group. I am thankful for our new church that equips believers to handle the messy situations of life in marriage. I am thankful for Spirit led, Spirit filled believers who go whenever help is needed and do not pass judgment or condemnation, but instead show love and support and encourage others to walk firmly in the life we are called. I am thankful for the Holy Spirit reminding me and my hubby who we are in Christ.  

"He lived a life I can not live and died a death I clearly deserve"!!! 

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